Published on October 2, 2017 inParenting on LandOMoms.com
I wish I could say it was my first time losing my cool, but it wouldn’t be honest.
The kids were whining all day, and I become the three-headed Mom Monster.
The chaos unfolded like this: One of my sweet, darling boys poked his brother. Another son was questioned about something broken in the house and lied to my face. Another son was talking back to me before I sent him to his room, and he stomped the whole way before slamming the door.
And it wasn’t long before I sent the others off, too. I got angry, I yelled, and when it was over, I felt guilty. I beat myself up, questioned what I’m doing wrong, accused myself of not being a good mother.
But I know I’m not the only one who does this to herself. Trust me: If this has happened to you, you’re not alone. No mom is perfect, despite how hard we try sometimes.
The Myth of the Supermom
A few weeks ago, I had one of these un-super days, and I wrote a Facebook post about it. I was amazed and moved by how many comments it got, by supportive moms mainly. What the post taught me was that we are all super moms, though not the perfect, unflappable, impervious type; those don’t exist.
We’re not the moms who stay on top of everything, who are raising perfect children, who are productive every SINGLE day. We are the moms who fall short some days, knock it out of the park other days, but ALWAYS, always care so much that it hurts.
And it’s so easy to judge us. When our kids misbehave, when the house is a mess, or the dinner is late,it feels like the first thought is to blame Mom. It’s that pressure to avoid being judged that makes moms think they need to be Supermom.
But why should we live up to their expectations? Why carry such an unnecessary burden?
Sometimes I need to remind myself what’s most important, and that’s MY family, MY kids. There’s no road map through parenting that’s 100 percent effective. The reality is that moms know best, and every family is different, so let’s let the moms handle their household however they’d like.
It’s OK to Ask for Help
A lot of my friends with kids always talk about how their spouse never helps out around the house or with dinner and they feel like they’re running the show almost entirely by themselves.
But when I ask them if they have brought it up, they usually say no.
Look, every household is different and the division of labor varies. But what’s important to know is that you can always ask for help — help from a spouse, help from a friend, or even help from the kids!